Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
