R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
