I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
