I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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