I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
