No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
