Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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