I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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