When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
