she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
