terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
