HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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