i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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