Umm I'm too high to move.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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