i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
