Buhtt sex?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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