Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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