my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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