I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this will be a night to untag.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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