Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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