and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
