Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
