doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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