I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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