There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This baby is an asshole
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
