My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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