Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her vagine was all disorganized.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's always time for handjobs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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