I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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