I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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