So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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