fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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