This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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