you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
