dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
