he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
