woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
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