obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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