Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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