just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
