True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
