Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize