Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
