Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
