we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
