You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
