His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
