Quick, to the slutcave!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
