I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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