My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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