"it" just moved
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
