i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
