I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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