when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
