Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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