We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.