He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.