I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Four minutes until I can fart!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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