Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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