You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
