Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
