There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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