that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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