Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize