Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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