Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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