Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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