I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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