We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
